Episode 58: Putting Yourself Out There

Jun 5

Written By Malorie Burden

TOP 3 of the Week

ATTACHMENT THEORY:
I was in New York a couple of weeks ago and we stumbled upon a free library in my friends' neighborhood and immediately knew I had to grab the copy of Attached. This book talks about attachment theory and how we attached to our caretakers in childhood and the patterns we developed according to how they engaged with us. Not only that, but it explains how this impacts how we currently show up in our relationships (romantic, friends, family, co-workers, etc)
It's always been a book on my 'to read' list, and more recently have been more curious about my own attachment patterns. The 4 main attachment styles are Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and a mix of Anxious/Avoidant. Personally I relate to the last one where I crave connection, but it can be hard to trust others. But also think our attachment style can change depending on who we're interacting with. Knowing our own attachment style and how it shows up in our connections can help us in developing healthier and more fulfilling relationships with our loved ones.
As a quick explanation...
Secure: Low Anxiety, Low Avoidance. Feels worthy, doesn't take on other people's emotions, and is comfortable with being open and vulnerable.
Anxious: High Anxiety, Low Avoidance. Feels afraid their loved one will leave them, needs reassurance often.
Avoidant: Low Anxiety, High Avoidance. Feels suffocated when people get too close, needs space often.
Anxious/Avoidant: High Anxiety, High Avoidance. Feels untrustworthy towards people and their intentions, but deeply wants to be intimate and vulnerable with others. This is also called Fearful Avoidant or Disorganized.
Take a quiz to find out which style you are here

15 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF:
You'll hear more about this one in the next guest episode coming out this month with one of my best friends, Brittany Leitner. I was asking her how she steps into her confidence so easily, and she gave me a huge secret to regaining confidence in yourself that she practiced after a breakup. That was to write 15 things that are facts about you, that you love about yourself on your mirror, and read them out loud every day and any time you're thinking negatively about yourself.
I've added my list to my mirror and will recite it out loud while looking at myself, and I find myself smiling, giggling, and being so sweet to myself in the process....it's been incredibly healing tbh and it's something I look forward to reading each day as a way to reconnect with myself - 10/10 recommend!

(EXPERIMENT) PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE:
More than likely, there is an area of your life that feels stagnant and even though you're trying to manifest and achieve goals in that category... you just feel like nothing is happening. Sometimes we think we're doing the most, but we still aren't making progress...so WTH do we do then??
Chances are, there's an opportunity to put yourself out there in a more intentional and meaningful way that will have more of a positive impact on how you perceive yourself and getting closer to reaching your dreams.

BAD LUCK TO MAGIC

a lot of my clients, myself included, are working towards their creative dreams, but the one thing that tends to stop us is putting ourselves out there. This could mean sharing ideas online, talking to your crush, applying for a job, trying a new hobby/activity
why is it so scary to put ourselves out there?
comparison - getting triggered when someone can put themselves out there
what do we gain from it? confidence, exposure therapy
you have way more to lose when we DON'T put ourselves out there.... think about it. ...... so what if there's a possibility of getting rejected? You're already rejecting yourself in the other scenario - self-fulfilling prophecy
experiment, get curious, detach, assume the best
CLICK here to hear more....